Most don’t have an ‘ideal’ family life
When you develop good friendships and meaningful relationships with others, we frequently open-up to that trusted person about our family life and how we grew-up facing certain situations. While listening to the many stories that have been shared with me, I seldom have heard of anyone who has grown-up in an ‘ideal’ family life. There are the stories of physical and mental abuse which have left their scars upon our lives and shaped the futures of the people who have lived through such maladies.
Don’t bury the past…resurrect the past
Still, these things have happened and we must not bury them deep within our Self, that would only prolong our suffering and stifle our spiritual and personal growth, rather, we must revisit them with a greater sense of awareness in order to create a future which is a more positive and more fulfilling experience.
Is there a ‘perfectly dysfunctional’ family?
Looking back, I now understand the influence that growing up in a ‘perfectly dysfunctional’ family had upon my life. My story may mirror what many have experienced. One parent was overbearing and wouldn’t allow me to try anything new or to think for myself since I wasn’t that capable or that smart. The constant put-downs and verbal innuendos about my ability and intellect left me with little confidence in both social and educational situations. I struggled to find who I was and what I was good at.
Success occurred, but at a cost
Finally, I made some progress, earned my university degree, and landed a good job which enabled me to buy a house and an expensive German sports car. However, instead of being given credit for attaining this level of success, these changes intimidated my parent and we never had a relationship or spoke thereafter, not even an impending death could we resolve these issues.
Money is the root of all evil
The other parent grew-up with an attitude that money was indeed the root of all evil and rich people were unhappy and had many more problems in life than poor people. And besides, you were meant to work hard and scrimp and save until you finally could enjoy the many years of hard labor when you retire. I now understand that always being bailed out of my economic problems was a sign of love and that was what a good parent would do; help their poor and struggling child when in difficulty. Growing-up in this kind of environment caused me pain and suffering for many years.
A revelation…with the appearance of Napoleon Hill, James Allen, and Raymond Holliwell
In my job, I was introduced to the masters and masterpieces of self-development: Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill; As a Man Thinketh by James Allen, and Working with the Law by Raymond Holliwell. These classics taught me that I certainly was not responsible for the thoughts of my parents, however, I was responsible for my own thoughts; I couldn’t change them, but I could change me. I could not change my past but I could change my future and it began with the thoughts that I held in my mind. I was aware of what happened and why it happened and what the results were of my upbringing, and to move forward and to change, I could not remain in the negative state of blame of how others had messed-up my life.
Take full responsibility to make huge changes
I took full responsibility to make the changes that I needed to make to become the person I truly wanted to be. I left the past behind as an experience, as a part of my life, and as a part of what I am today. There is no animosity or blame, just understanding from a distance which left me as a spectator to what had occurred and not as a victim.
Achieve a positive vibratory state to move forward…by being forgiving
Being in a positive vibratory state about the past is crucial to overcoming what has formed you earlier and now taking hold of your present life. In order to move to a positive state of vibration, there are a couple of ideas that can help you in the process. First, you must forgive the person or persons who had such influence upon your earlier life, this is a must. If you harbor bad feelings and apprehension towards the person or persons, you can only be held back where you are in a negative state since this is the predominate thoughts that occupy your mind.
This exercise will rid you of negative thoughts and ill feelings
Take a piece of paper and write the person’s name on it; then light a match and burn the name (it does not matter if the person has passed when doing this, in fact, it is even more important since the person is not on this physical plane of existence). As the name is burning, say the following and really mean what you say with all your senses; I want the best for you, (name of the person). I want the best for me (state your name). I forgive you (name of the person). I forgive me (state your name). Can you feel the negative energy dissipate? Can you feel lighter as the burden of all those years has just been lifted from your shoulders? Did you cry tears of joy? If you did not experience a sense of relief and bliss, perhaps you do not truthfully want the best for the person or your Self. And by the same token, past thinking and actions are difficult to overcome since they have been harbored deep within our souls for perhaps decades. Be patient and try this again until you receive the feelings of joy and happiness of true forgiveness for both you and the other person.
There’s an alternative way to achieve forgiveness
If you feel uncomfortable with the above, there is an alternative means for you to forgive the other person so both of you can move forward to repair the past injustices. Find a quiet, private place where you can say the following: I release you (state the name), from your responsibility, I release me (state your name), from my responsibility. I send the best of life to you (state the name), and I send the best of life to me (state your name). Once again, feel true forgiveness and you will occupy a positive state where the things that transpired in the past are neither good nor bad, they just are.
Forgiveness paves the way to your success
You have the immense power of the universe and the Source in your hands when you practice true forgiveness for those who were unjust to you in the past. Be patient and work at forgiving; the world will appear different to you when you succeed at coming to terms with your past.